The wait is over. Listen to this episode and you will know our minds on the topic of Lena Dunham’s first televisual offering. And you might be SURPRISED. Just saying!

Because Cynara was good and watched, at Jenny’s behest, all three thus far aired Girls episodes, Jenny allowed her to discuss a kiddie flick an animated picture: The Pirates! Band of Misfits, which, she notes, is brought to us by Aardman Animations, the makers of Wallace and Gromit.

End music: Bea Arthur performing “Threepenny Opera/Pirate Jenny.”

Blue & green print is the colour of parental disapproval & disappointment

*Cave people ate baked beans & so did Calamity Jane!
*Canadians are socialists!
*But that doesn’t mean we don’t have baseball!
*”Sooner or later your little girl will spread her legs and fly away!”
*Sally Draper a go-go makes Don say a no-no!
*Peggy’s mom recommends getting some pussy instead of shacking up with your boyfriend
*Glen is attending what appears to be a pants-optional trigonometry school
*Manhattan is “DIRTY”

All that and more on this week’s episode of Mad Men.

Now go on, Sally tell us about what happened!

If I were to curate an in-person fanvid exhibit in some sort of gallery (DREAM BIG, GEISSLER) this gutpuncher would have its own screen where it played on a loop next to a giant box of tissue, a case of wine, and litter of fluffy white kittens bread to pay particular affection to human beings in the midst of a seriously, seriously, ugly cry.

The song, clip selection (those LOOKS), added text, and alternating of black and white frames of youtube user ILoveThesePeople’s video combine to create a heartbreaking masterwork of staggering Johnlock genius. I will never tire of watching this, and if you similarly needed to sob into a phone or gchat box after watching the S2 finale, neither will you.

NB: video contains serious spoilers for Sherlock seasons 1 and 2

GET READY FOR ALL THE FEELINGS

Now, won’t you please just take my hand… oh FFS  get over here. Let me hold you in my arms for a minute. You can get snot on my collar, I used to work with kids, I don’t mind. We’ll make it to late 2013… somehow.

I’m not what you’d call a serious Sherlock/John (or Johnlock) shipper. I like a pr0n-y tumblr full of Johnlock fan art as much as the next Benaddict, but I’m decidedly old school Sherlockian canon when it comes to the Watson-Holmes relationship. I think there’s a lot of sincere love and tenderness and affection there, but I don’t find much in the text that ultimately suggests buttsecks.  The above vid, however, should satisfy the shippers and purists alike. It can easily be read through a romantic or platonic lens to suit your purposes, be they chaste or profane or somewhere in-between.

Annnd speaking of lenses: I’m now picturing some sort of novelty item called “Slash Goggles.” They’d have like naked characters doing it drawn on the glass so the wearer actually sees their ‘ships bumping uglies in every scene of whatever show they’re watching. Or, better yet, they are a Viewmaster that has slides of people doing it with little slots to slide in the faces of the characters you want to see getting to know each other in the biblical sense. You know, the existence of Slash Goggles, COULD explain some of incredibly strained ships in the fandom. (*cough cough* Mystrade anyone? Not a single scene together! Not one!).

But honestly, if you wanna ship the Buckingham Palace ashtray and 243 types of tobacco ash, I will not debate your deduction. I respect your right to suggest that I am the one who “sees, but does not observe.” There’s always more than one way to read a text.

^{*UNF, THIS COVER U GUISE. I’m not the marrying kind, but if was, Ingrid Michaelson covering (and imho totally ECLIPSING) Elvis would be a frontrunner for First Dance. (You know, it might even depose Jens Lekman’s ”Your Arms Around Me” as the ruler of love songs in my heart).}

Fran Kranz as Topher -- I mean, Marty -- in The Cabin in the Woods

In this episode, Cynara gives her favourable review of Whit Stilman’s long-awaited film Damsels in Distress, and we digress into considerations of dance crazes and the custom of communal dancing in and of itself.

We get spoilery for The Cabin in the Woods at the 18:00 mark (with a few general remarks about the horror-comedy before that), so bear that in mind if you plan to see the flick, because we do recommend you see it unspoiled.

Then at the end, a bit of a teaser where Jenny predicts that when Cynara gets around to watching the new HBO series Girls, our resident Transconian will not be fond of it. An in-depth discussion of the series will follow in an upcoming podcast, and we’ll all see if Jenny  is a mind-whisperer of the calibre she believes she is.

John Slattery as Roger "This Is Going to Be Expensive" Sterling

Straight-up trippin’: on LSD, to the HoJo, to the Port Authority at 5 in the morning, to movie theatre, to a booty call. So come with me, on a journey with me, to our second weekly open thread.

This week’s offering comes from beloved FOI superlistener Kathleen!  Your lady-baby loves you, homoslice!

I’m not exactly sure how to categorize this fanvid*, other than to say it boldly goes where no other fanvid has gone before and that I definitely like it, and, provided it accepts my proposal, I will most certainly PUT A RING ON IT.  FOUR RINGS, IN FACT.

In this delightful stop-motion offering from YouTube user pivotalproduction, the action-figure versions of Captain Jean-Luc Picard, Lieutenant Commander Data, and Lieutenant Commander Geordi LaForge pay homage to Beyonce’s iconic black and white dance video for equally iconic multi-platinum hit song “Single Ladies”.  Or that’s the real-world explanation, at least.

The TNG in-universe one is that a shuttle accident maroons our three heroes on a totally white planet that plays Beyonce’s “Single Ladies” on an endless loop. Unable to communicate with the Enterprise they respond with what seems to be the only logical morale-boosting course of action: a choreographed dance routine.

Or Geordi and Picard are slashily reminiscing about 21st-century Earth megahits on the holodeck, when Data crashes their private dance party.

Or this is just what actually happens on the USS Enterprise after hours.

Whatever you like.

Everyone is shaking it like they mean it, but Picard is the clear Captain of this dance enterprise.  As evidenced by his central Beyonce placement, two-piece midriff showcasing ensemble, and his flawless form on the lift at 1:04.

Nobody puts Jean-Luc in a corner. I am pretty sure his performer alias is Earl Grey Tea, Hot.  Robot Chicken so wishes they thought of this first.

Cynara’s log, star date 20042012, supplemental: not to throw shade, but given Beyonce’s bizarre cyborg arm in the original, I sort of feel like not including some sort of cutaway to a Locutus action figure for the final frame was a bit of a missed opportunity.  Borg-like arm jewellery: the must-have accessory for Spring 2012?

*serious scholars will weigh in, I am sure.

Ken Jeong as Chang and Chevy Chase as Pierce in Community

Cynara saw Guy Maddin’s latest flick, Keyhole, and had to do some remedial Maddin 101 for her fellow theatre-goers. As of Saturday, Jenny had made plans to see The Cabin in the Woods, so some very spoiler-free speculation about that picture (which we have now both seen and which will be discussed at a later date) ensues. We talk in generalities about films we’ve seen lately and films we want to see soon, as well as the perils of aging and de-aging technology in film and SORAS (Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome).

Flipping to the small screen, we talk about the ongoing and very public beef between Chevy Chase and Community showrunner Dan Harmon, which segues into lots of fan talk about recent Community episodes (feel free to vote in the comments as to who you think is Cynara’s “Blade”).

Then we do some Mad Men talk, so if you’re not up to date, don’t listen after the 40:00 mark.

You think you're wet now? Wait until Don Draper has a go at that faucet!

Welcome to the very first Fatties on Ice open thread for Mad Men!  You asked for, we built it, and we even devilled eggs so you better come!  You can try and make excuses but we’ll just shoot down every one of them down. I mean we’ve been trying to have you over for an open thread since Trudy and Pete got married.  This is long overdue!

TOPICS TO GET YOU CHATTY:
* Ken is… a ROBOT!  (well not so far, but he totally writes about them!  All Asimov-style!)
* That “grimy little…” Pete Campbell totally got PUNCHED IN THE FACE!
* LLWDDFS  aka Ladies Love When Don Draper Fixes a Sink!

All that and more in this week’s episode of Mad Men titled “Signal 30.”

Now off you go in the comments!  Like Joan in a Jaguar or Roger at a sexy party!  Just don’t get so wild that you wake up with chewing gum in your pubes, ok?  Because that would be SUPER AWKWARD!